‘God saved my life through my daughter’ – When adoption is a manifestation of love
‘I got pregnant when I was 17, I still went to high school. I didn’t plan my life that way, as soon as I found out, I just sat in my car and thought about what to do now… I grew up in the church, but I didn’t really know God, all I knew was that a little life was developing in me that I needed to protect. Everything else was scary: to tell my parents and the father of the child I wasn’t in love with. It was a hard time, until then I even used soft drugs. Eventually, I told my parents, even though in America at that time girls - the "good girls" - were not allowed to get pregnant...
I knew young people who chose abortion for this very reason, but I knew I couldn't do it, even though I was ashamed. For three days my mother cried every time she saw me and begged me to get rid of the problem. And my dad wanted me to think through all the possibilities before I decide. I went to a Catholic school where I couldn’t stay after the pregnancy started to show, so I moved to the school for single mothers where I was the oldest… The average age was thirteen. I talked to those who had an abortion and also those who kept their babies. I couldn't find one who chose adoption. One day, when I had no one to turn to, I cried out to God for my grief. As I was driving down a hill I heard Him speak to me a Bible story I did not know. The one of Hannah. God encouraged me with that story showing how Hannah dedicated baby Samuel to Him as she gave him to Eli the priest to raise. I knew then that in adoption I was gifting my baby to God and other parents to raise as their own. I felt I could trust the Lord, He could help me find the right parents because I wasn’t ready to raise a child yet.
I wished her comfort and safety.
I stopped drinking and using drugs immediately, cut off contact with my social circle, and spent most of my time with my family. I was given a new chance by the Lord and it woke me up from my life.
I did not have the opportunity for open adoption under the laws of Michigan at the time, so I could only select a profile for my daughter’s prospective adoptive parents. I knew her mom would be a housewife who had adopted a son six years older with her partner. I chose them, from then I had a wonderful pregnancy. I loved to feel my little girl inside, I always talked to her, I wrote her letters. I kept a diary of my feelings of good and bad. It wasn’t easy to miss out on all the community events my fellow students attended, yet I got on the right life path at the time. I left behind my past forever, which also included sexual harassment, a rape suffered in childhood from someone within my wider family. I lived with this secret, and although my parents loved me, I did not dare to tell them because I had been threatened. I looked ahead, I was only scared when a developmental disorder was found in the little one, but then it turned out that there was no mental illness, just a growth disorder. If there had been any serious trouble, I would have kept her and brought her up, I could not have expected anyone else to raise her.
My little girl’s dad was interested all along, but I couldn’t let him get too close because my old lifestyle would have returned with him. Until the signing of the adoption papers, I was a little afraid of claiming the child as his own, I intended much better conditions for her. After she was born, the people in my environment did not want me to see her, saying it could hurt me, but two days later I turned eighteen so I could decide for myself. She was still very small, just over two pounds, and I could hold her in my hands every day for 17 days, feeding her, praying for her. I took photos, took care of her until they took her away.
It was hard to let her go, it was hard to do something with my empty arms afterwards…
Then I went back to school and told the others what I had experienced, I showed them my diary and photos. I said I didn’t give her up for adoption because I didn’t want her, but because I wanted the best for her.
For the past thirty years, I have raised my second daughter, born six years later, she knew she had a sister I had given up for adoption. For 11 years, I have completed an international mission in South Africa to protect life through sharing my story with others. During one of the trainings, I realized that I am also life-giving because I chose life for my child, with whom I have always wanted to make contact, I just didn’t want to disturb her life. Eventually, I found my official way to get her a letter, letting her know that she was not born against my will, but I did want her. And look at the miracle, 32 years after I had to let her go from the hospital, we were able to meet face to face. She replied to my letter, and when I returned from Africa to the States, I met her, her husband, and my one-year-old granddaughter.
When I first touched her face again, I swear, it had the same feeling as before.
I also gave her my diary and my photo album so she could look at our time together in the hospital and then I got to know the family raising her a few weeks later. Unfortunately, her mom was no longer alive, she died when my daughter was 13 years old. Her dad showed me photos of how she grew up, we talked about why I chose adoption. Since then, we have been part of each other’s lives again for about six years, my daughter calls me a mom, I was able to be present at her wedding and at the birth of her second child, her first little daughter, both were important events in her adult life. Looking back, I didn’t regret what and how it happened because I know my daughter got the best, and I trusted the Lord to take care of her properly. Over the years, I worried a lot, I prayed, I thought my arms were so empty… And when I got the letter in which she let me know she was okay, she had someone she loved and even had a child, well, that day I… Indescribable, what I felt.
I was raised religiously, but I made a lot of mistakes, and I was aware of that. I only really got to know Jesus around the age of 30, but it all started the moment I was able to cry out to God.
Then, through Hannah’s story, he made me understand what my mission was, I felt the peace that helped me through everything. Later, I could write and tell my daughter that I had chosen her parents to raise her in a way I wouldn’t have been able to do at the time, but I loved her all along, I was with her. God saved my life through my daughter. If I hadn’t got pregnant that time, I don’t even know where I would be today. Many people think a mother will give her child up for adoption because she doesn’t love her enough, even though in many cases the exact opposite is true. I hope people accept that adoption can also be a manifestation of love – along with giving someone the miracle of becoming a parent who otherwise would not have a chance.’
June Blanshan is today Director of International Ministries of LIFE International, an American organization for the protection of life. Her above story was recorded and written by Adrian Szasz dr.
Contact details of LIFE International's partner organization in Hungary:
Shout for Life Association
www.kialtasazeletert.org
www.terhessegkozpont.hu
24-hour helpline:
+36-70-225-2525
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